Dear Pregnant Men…

“….a woman can’t have as much rights as a man
cause Christ wasn’t a woman….
Where did your Christ come from?
From God and a woman!
Man had nothing to do with him!

-Sojourner Truth : Women’s Convention 1852

Did you see that? Did you miss it girlfriend? The Biblical Truth that affirms why a mans’ opinion of what a woman should do with her uterus is betwixt her and the Lord?

The Lord Christ Jesus was conceived by way of God almighty and a natural, earthly woman! Man wasn’t needed for that! God never asked Joseph what he THOUGHT about what HE had placed in Mary! Therefore no man (unless he is a medical doctor) can tell me anything about what is in my womb.

Back in the day men were not even allowed into the labor and delivery room. The birth of a child was facilitated by women, nurses, and midwives. Likewise, when a medically necessary abortion took place to save the mother or the child (you know…murder)…men were not allowed to have a say so. Correct me if I am wrong, but as of today when a woman goes into labor at the hospital doctors nor the mother still don’t stop and ask the father if he is okay that they proceed with what is it taking place in her womb at that moment.

Now I am the first to tell anyone that I think that the Women’s liberation act of the 1960’s-1970’s was one of the worst things that happened in our society in terms of men and women relationally. Why? Because it created division (satan) amongst the sexes and taught men and women to compete with each other. And as with any movement, extremist got involved and fraternal twins Miss Independent and G.I. Jane were born.

Well for an old fashion southern girl like me, this creates a bit of a dichotomy. I don’t want to fight in any war but I do know how to fight. I am not built for battle but I know how to put on the full Armor of God. Please keep me in the kitchen, barefoot, and pregnant because that’s where this independent woman prefers to be.

However, there are some women who don’t want any children or have a desire to be married. They enjoy singlehood and though they are alone they are not longing for anyone. Then there is that OTHER sister…who loves climbing trees, knows how to change a carburetor, and hell bent on joining the war…LET HER FIGHT!

Yet, upon a womans’ CHOICE to work, stay home, or join the military she should be given equal rights to vote, equal benefits, equal pay, etc all the days of her LIFE. Despite the cons the most brilliant pro is that the women’s liberation was one of the few times in history that both left and right wing parties got together without a lot of division. You see girl power is nothing new and we have always been stronger together. Not to mention that it was the womens’ movement that integrated men into the delivery rooms to witness the birth of their children (You’re welcome fellas).

So now let’s get to you other human beings….men. Let’s talk about YOUR reproductive organs. Which for some reason I have never understood why we don’t EQUALLY talk about that. It amazes me how folk get so focused on a woman being pregnant and her sin (if she is not married), her choice as pro-life or pro-choice, etc. but we never talk about the male reproductive system inside of his body. Unless you are GOD and gave Christ to Mary…pregnancy involves a man. To leave male reproductive organs out of conversation is biased RIGHT? Any man that has a modicum of intelligence should equally respect a womans’ CHOICE as it pertains to her LIFE.

If someone breaks in your house and you shoot and kill them you have committed MURDER. Don’t justify to me via U.S Constitution or your legal rights about anything. According to the Bible you took someone’s life. Your a murderer righteous one! You don’t see it that way huh? Guess what? You do not have a legal right to KILL! You have a legal right to defend yourself according to the law of the land not the law of God. Yet, God still loves you regardless.

Therefore, if a woman choses to terminate a pregnancy…the same God still loves her! And guess what? Likewise, Mary DID NOT have a choice. God can over ride an abortion too! Judah in the 38th chapter of Genesis committed fornication, incest (not blood but by affinity) with his daughter in law Tamar, got her pregnant and wanted her dead and the baby aborted. This MAN, Judah son of Jacob wanted to abort his child in her womb. Read for yourself to see how that plays out in the scriptures and take note of the fact that Judah called HER righteous!

So let’s be clear, the pull out method, condoms, birth control pills, hysterectomies, and vasectomies, the tying of tubes are all forms of preventive measures directly AGAINST LIFE and BIRTH of an un-born child. You have PREVENTED it into manifesting into life. How then is that different from the termination of a pregnancy? One person is preventing it ALL together PROACTIVELY (condoms, birth control pills, hysterectomies (partial or full), and men who have vasectomies) and one person does it after REACTIVELY!

If you are not wise enough to understand YOUR own political views from Biblical truth your a hypocrite!

Likewise, there are virgins that take birth control pills. Not because they are thinking about sex but because it regulates their cycles and lightens the pain of cramps, there are women who have had to have an abortion for medical reason, there are women who have severe issues just like the woman with an issue of blood (Luke) with their reproductive organs, etc. Think of it this way dear saint, if you have ever used any of those measures you have PREVENTED LIFE based a CHOICE and that’s not God’s plan for reproduction.

If you use any of these do not be a hypocrite and yet say that you are PRO-LIFE when you behind closed doors BETWEEN you and the Lord, secretly made a PRO-CHOICE! As a matter of fact, according to the word, Onan did the “pull out” method (a MAN in the Bible made a pro-choice) and in the Lord’s sight that was wicked and he was put to death because of it (Genesis 38:9). It’s safe to say that the beauty of ejaculation was intentional.

So let me be great and remind you Americans again, that if God wants birth to take place He does not need permission from an earthly man or woman, hence the immaculate conception Savior Jesus Christ.

Likewise, God…. not PLANNED PARENTHOOD can override the choice of a woman to abort a baby if HE chooses. Research the birth of gospel artist Fred Hammond. His mother not only went in and HAD the abortion procedure done once but they made an attempt a second time and guess what? That didn’t work either and hence we have a man of God that has spent his whole life sharing the message his Glory to Glory!

An abortion is no greater than any other sin. God does what He wants, when he wants to WHOM He wants to. No one has the right to force their Pro-Life nor Pro-Choice politics on anyone because that has nothing to do with God!

In the event that you directly or inadvertently get in a pulpit and mix your PERSONAL BIASED POLITICS with God’s words it shows a lack of class and intelligence. I don’t care how much money is in your bank account are how many degrees you have (or lack there of). The Word of God says obey the laws of the land (Romans 13). Those who refuse to obey the laws, refuse God.

What does the LAW say about Politics and Pulpits out of curiosity? I know what it says. Do you? If God’s law is the ultimate trump-card for you then your political views are pointless when YOU KNOW what His law is. Yet, I think it’s of bad taste to take advantage of people who may not have the intellectual capacity or education to understand the difference.

Not to mention those who are simply lazy or to trusting and don’t make an attempt to find information on their own. So they put their faith in people they trust. People who have influential powers KNOW this. Some use their powers for good, some use them for evil. Yet, we have all fallen short and there is no judgment to one who believes in Him.

It is God’s CHOICE to give or take away LIFE and He doesn’t need our permission or political thoughts, to have His will be done.

Oh and in case your wondering, my celibacy is intentional despite temptations and cold showers. I am not a fornicator (tempting), I am no longer married, and I DO NOT take birth control or any other measures to prevent pregnancy at all. There is no need. And lastly, my reproductive organs are still intact and I can still have children.

So according to your calculations I have a glorified righteous Republican womb. Meaning, a woman that DOES not have a fully functional uterus by way of a hysterectomy has a an evil Democratic womb? Well I hope she votes “accordingly”. Looks like one of the wombs are cursed according to the scriptures and will never bring forth life. One of these wombs will never pass down the evil from the next generation?

In the eyes of God a woman should never be damned to hell if the CHOICES in her LIFE circumstances, health, etc forced her to make un easy or hard decision because her reproductive organs are not “RIGHT” compared to mine.

God loves triumphs it all, not Trumps’ it all regardless of what YOU think is the better deal.

Think for yourself.
….after all…Jesus called the disciples to a higher level of thinking. RIGHT?

#she thinks out loud

Black Trash, Watermelon, and Chicken (Black Dems and Black Reps)

Dear Black Republicans and Black Democrats….

First and Foremost stop anyone from addressing you as I just did. Inform them that you are a person who just so happens to be black and or democrat or republican. Don’t ever let someone override the fact that you are a human being first. I’m personally not impressed with the parties you support nor the color of your skin.

Secondly, I do not like to personally platform myself as a representative or speaker on behalf of African Americans because I am not. I am simply a person of independent thought who just so happens to be black. For people of ignorance (regardless of color) stating that just now was important for you unless you know me personally.

A few years back in my 20’s (my real 20’s) I worked in an administrative position in the corporate sector for a company that just so happen to be black. I was very proud to work there and be a part of that legacy because I knew the history of the African American founders who built it from the ground up.

This was one of the biggest lessons I learned as a human being. Due to my whistleblower crusade of simply sharing truth about the corruption taking place.  I upset a lot of wealthy black democrats and some of them will spend the rest of their lives behind bars as of today. I was called an Uncle Tom, a sell-out, a snitch, and at worst upset because I wasn’t getting any of the “cut” and a host of other names meant to make me feel as the Benedict Arnold of the black race).

The congresswoman of the 18th Congressional district called me herself. (#facts). I didn’t care for her way of doing things and she was affiliated with these people but as with anyone in a leadership position, I respected her. Jilted by mere words of truth it was there, I realized how SOME people of color, in positions of power and money will play on your emotions for the purpose of controlling you. Sure you may think your making your own choice because by golly your choosing to be there but try to leave and see if you don’t become the number one enemy simply because you think differently.

Many moons ago I blogged about this BLACK corporation, operated by black people who had a plantation of employees captured in modern day slavery. There was not a single white person around. The wealthy “massa” on these grounds banking out this stolen generational wealth were BLACK. Compassionately, knowing what I knew about right and wrong I had to bypass all that “the man just trying to keep us down”  way of thinking.

I dissociated myself from “pro-black-ness” because righteousness had a better taste to it. When I support something and it’s a good thing that just so happens to be black (for instance black owned business) awesome! However I’m not impressed and you don’t get my vote for anything just because it’s black either.

I realized that aligning yourself with something JUST because it’s black and NOTHING else can be dangerous. This is why I never hash-tagged Black Lives Matter. The problem was a little glitch in wording. It should have stated Black Lives Matter Too. The addendum of the word Too was strongly needed. I know the story, pain, and purpose by which it was founded upon.

Yet, culturally speaking I know that there is a certain demographic of black people that will inject themselves into a movement and turn it totally radical due to a severe lack of understanding. For that same lack of understanding, you had non people of color who were offended by it. Why? To them, as non people of color and as ignorant as it may sound, they perceived that as being dismissive to other races and ethnic groups. I can understand that. I can see things from their perspective.

As a result, the rebuttal #All Lives Matter took form. Hence, satan strikes again and created division. Look my loves, (in my Monique voice) simply put, All lives do matter but it was never to suggest that other lives didn’t. I embraced Dr. King’s message of unity and I base my alignment with people off the content of their character. I suggest everyone else learns to do the same.

Moving RIGHT along…

It’s disappointing that people have issues with black conservatives. In 2018, when I hear people of any race calling black republicans everything but a child of the king it let’s me know we has a human race have not progressed much.

In addition to other awards, the award I received years ago during my internship in Arizona from the 22nd Governor of Arizona (R) is something I hold on to vastly.

However, call a spade a spade. It amazes me how people from the “bottoms” get to the “top” and have hence “arrived”. It tickles me to death. Not because of your affiliations but because so many grew up benefitting from liberal programs (food stamps, housing, etc.) and because the dollars in your bank accounts allots you the privilege to be in a different tax bracket you can’t eat watermelon or chicken anymore. You grew up benefitting from welfare (you know, after you ate the welfare food) and forget that there are others who were in the exact same predicament and neighborhoods your from.

My grandmother raised 3 children on her own and never took ANY type of handout or governmental assistance. She worked for everything she has attained. Yet some of us have hung around other (you know, people who BEEN having money, old money, not new money) trying your absolute best to create the element and sense of wanting people to think that your some type of anomaly to other black people. “I’m black but I’m not like the other “negros”.

All in all it’s very dangerous when you go to far trying to separate yourself from the culture. Why? Whenever you drift to far away from people, God can’t effectively use you anymore. The trick of the enemy is making you take those that look like you for granted.

Call a spade a spade.

So in closing….

For any black conservatives that have a problem with the fact that former President Obama and his wife were initially middle class, entered the white house, and left rich….my question to you is, What was wrong with that? Highlight the sin in someone acquiring wealth (you did too, right?). I don’t think he received anything more than his predecessors.

For all you black egalitarians that simply voted for him just because he was black then got upset when you didn’t get your 40 acres and a mule…..where in his campaign did he promise to do anything for a whole race of black people?

To vote a certain way simply because mama ‘nem did is the epitome of ignorance as of 2018- Mr. Black Democrat

To vote against and speak against someone because your trying to impress or mimic what you think are white behaviors, wait…I meant right behavior is twice as dumb because that indicates that you have a deeply imbedded slave mentality. Subconsciously you have bought the farm on thinking everything white is right and everything black is bad. -Mr. Black Republican

Let’s be clear ..money you legally “have” and you did not WORK for is nothing more than welfare, and a handout by definition. If you have been on government assistance all your life, poverty is a sin.

In closing we need not think alike to love alike (John Wesley) but don’t tell people HOW to think. Tell folk how to love. For this is the message of the word. The renewing of a persons’ mind is God’s job, not the democrats or republicans!

Therefore leave YOUR thoughts and YOUR views out of folks minds. Stop mentally molesting people with YOUR views because you are grooming them to reject everyone else unless you are telling them both sides.

For even the canonical gospels of Matthew, Luke, Mark, and John contained different perspectives.  It’s commonly known that there are two sides to every story. Listening to one side is biased and EVEN that is okay and well respected as long as you keep that to yourself. In a court of law do they solely just listen to the prosecution?

Learn as much as you can about both parties be ye democrats or republican and make an intelligent decision on your own and once you do don’t try to influence people to align their views with yours. If a person is going to go to hell because he is a democrat or because he was republican I assure you God would not have left that out of the Bible.

Black Republicans and Black Democrats that are ill-informed about political issues yet present their views on a biased basis, and regurgitate idealisms as if they are innately and cognitively their own thoughts are nothing more than black trash. I know that may seem a bit harsh but that my dear friends is my own personal biased regarding BOTH parties unequivocally. I am certain that other non-black people watching from afar, feel the same way. Truth has no political party or color. THINK for yourself!

 

*Calling a spade a spade is an African American colloquialism that simply means tell something truthfully 

*nem’ is an African American colloquialism that means everyone

#she thinks out loud

 

 

 

 

 

When Daddy left…

My biggest fear when I made the decision to leave my ex-husband was the reality that my children would not be raised in the same household with both mother and father.  I was terrified to be a single parent. Not because I was afraid of being a single woman but because I was afraid of being a single woman with children. I didn’t want that stigma. I didn’t want people automatically stereotyping me and my kids. I didn’t want to be seen as just “another black single mother with kids”.

I got over that.

God helped me realize that those “man made judgements and labels” is what the world sees, not what He sees. He still calls me by name. I embraced my fear and despite it’s challenges being a single mom has been hands down the biggest experience that has taught me and continuing to teach me so much about the real meaning of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

But the challenges.

There is nothing like hearing how hard or painful something is (i.e labor, toothache, migraine, grieving, betrayal, etc.) versus actually experiencing it first hand. You brace yourself as much as you can, then it hits you. I was familiar with single mothers saying how much their hearts can be in pain for their children yet, I didn’t fully understand until it was my time to bat.

Their father moved away from them.

Days before he relocated back to Dallas he called and informed me that he was simply relocating because “the city of Midland had drained him” and “nothing here for him in Midland ” and blah, blah, blah. My ears were waiting on him to state how this move was going to benefit his two children in someway. Yet nothing more than that old narcissism (a disorder in which a person has inflated sense of who they really or/self importance) rose from within.

“I…me…my…blah blah…me…blah blah….I…me…my” are the only words stated. I think my favorite excuse when he stated “I’m not trying to be that guy that only sees his kids every six months.” Well, that sounded “soothing” for the children’s sake but he currently only saw them twice a month and we live in a small town. He never asked to see them beyond that. Despite this particular “courtesy call” he stated that from now until he relocated he was going to try to spend every single moment with them and asked if it would be okay with me. As always, I agreed.

He never called to ask for them during that time. My heart was in pain for my children.

Our two boys (age 4 and soon to be 3) are at that age were they love to make believe, pretend, and have magical thoughts. So quite honestly, they currently think their dad is a Superhero. I dare not taint their tales of “daddy did this mommy” “or my daddy is the strongest”. I simply mimic their excitement and delight in their innocence knowing that there is only one member in our triad family that knows the reality of who daddy is in opposition to the fantasy of who he is not. I for many days and nights use to see him through those same eyes of innocence.

As predicted he simply waited for his court ordered day (24 hours every 1st, 3rd, 5th Tuesday of the month) to see them. During the exchange I asked if he had talked to the boys and informed them that he was moving away. He stated that he didn’t think they really understood. Needless to say that burden will be on me to explain.

My heart was in pain for my children.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain to my extremely intelligent 4 year old who currently marks off the days on a calendar when it’s time for he and his brother to go to daddy’s house and my soon to be 3 year old he simply says “time for dad’s house or is he at work again” how that little time with daddy will be longer. I am trying to think of new routes to avoid passing his apartment so that the kids won’t be tempted to look in the parking lot for his car when we pass by.

In addition to that, about 25 percent of what I felt was a slap in the face. I wanted to high tail it back to Dallas days after separating. However, I kept thinking I know he’s upset with me but despite how I feel, I am not going to take these boys away from their dad. He will eventually calm down and refocus on the children.

That never happened and as fate would have it Daddy left them.

From a moral standpoint had I asked someone to give up the their job with benefits, school (had just applied to go back to school), family, friends and move away with me at minimum if things were to not work out for whatever reason I would feel obligated to help them move back. I would offer to assist on moving them back considering they sacrificed so much for me.

I’ve had to accept that I felt that way because I have moral views and values. He doesn’t have that feeling because his character is totally void of moral views and values.  There are many men out there who would not ever think of moving away from their children regardless of their toxic relationships with their ex-wives or mother of their children.

I know many men that have literally gotten homes in the same neighbors that the mother lives so that the children can have the option and convivence of coming over whenever they want to. Then again, those are men with moral character, value, and sacrificial fathers. There is a difference.

So to my sons who will one day grow out of thinking that daddy is a superhero, who will eventually stop asking where daddy is, or when are we going to daddy’s house…daddy left. He moved away but God will never leave nor forsake us. God has shown me that I can not protect you two from every disappointment, heartache, or feelings of abandonment. As a mother learning this for the first time hurt me to my core. I have hence relinquished that feeling as well. All mommy can do is support you and guide your feeling the best I can but the healing that God will provide will be far greater than what we can even imagine.

You two will be stronger men and not broken men because of his choices. The sins of your father will NOT fall on you sons (Ezekiel 18:19-20).

You see…life has gotten better for us all since the day he left. This use to be very scary to me. We have way more then we had when he was in the household. We get blessed all the time for the most unexplainable reasons by people I don’t even get the pleasure of seeing a second time or knowing who they are. We have gone to restaurants before and right before I get ready to pay the bill the waiter informs me that someone has paid for our meal already.

I’ve hustled to pay off the lay-a-way for Christmas for the past two years now, there have been given hundreds (plural hundreds) of dollars from people at church who don’t have any idea who I am or my situation. I have gone back to school (finished my program in less than a year) started my own seasonal business, and meet some amazing people! I even had the honor of meeting former congressman Allen West last week at the Midland country club which I have now been twice. I don’t have country club money but God has had me there.

You see life for us my dear sweet sons got better…when daddy left and for that we wish him the best! My ex-husband is an amazing person and he tries his best. For that I have the utmost respect for him despite our trials and tribulations.

#she thinks out loud

These last two crackers…

Lunch on me! Ever wanted to say that to a big group of folk? Unfortunately, my bank account is not set up that way just yet but let me tell you about these last two crackers here in Midland.

Back during my stay at home mom days when we first arrived in Midland I frequented the library. I’ve always been a big lover of books and a firm believer in utilizing community resources. Likewise I was always at the library either taking my boys to story time or grabbing the latest James Patterson novel via play-a-way (who can read a whole James Patterson novel in real life?)

One particular afternoon I was distracted in a conversation with the librarian about the upcoming fall activities and my little kiddos had eaten what they wanted of their snack (crackers and apple juice) and made the executive decision to crunch, crumble, and confetti the rest of their crackers on each others heads!

As any good mother would do, I cut off my conversation immediately and started yelling at my kids.  I was so frustrated (mainly at myself) but even more so that they were playing in all things food. As I did my best to make into the entry way of the library there was a man holding the door ajar for the kids and I. I couldn’t help but to notice that he looked as if he was down on his luck. Everything he owned looked like it was in his back pack which was covered in dirt. His clothes were a mixture of oversized and undersized garments and he smelled as if he could use a shower.

I wasn’t the least bit offended or off put by his presence not only because of my background both professionally and personally but mainly because I know that anyone could be down on their luck for a number of reasons. He stood there patiently none the less with a smile on his face and holding the door for us. He even helped me get some of those crackers out of my kids stroller.

Just as I thanked him for holding the door and helping me I was about to throw the last two crackers away but he stopped me and kindly asked, “Ma’am, do you mind if I have those last two crackers?” As I extended my arm and handed those two crackers to him God humbled my heart in such a special way. Not to mention, I had to think of how humbling that was for someone to ask for two crackers that my germ filled hand kids had played with and possibly fell on the floor. He was hungry.

I was never able to get the image of that man out of my head. It took me back to an idea I once had when I lived on the southeast side of Houston. I was single with no kids then and God knows I had more free time to do it then then I do now, but now it’s different. Now it tugs at me a little more. It’s a little more personal.

I am currently divorced with two small kids and I can tell you that when I look back over the past year of my life….God was there for us. He came in many different forms and people. He was in the trees, the music, He was even in the sound of my car engine when I was anticipating it to breakdown but never did. I decided to be a vessel and “let the Lord” use me just like so many people have done for me and my children.

For less than 20 bucks I was able to buy a loaf of bread, lunchmeat, cheese, chips, drinks, sandwich bags, paper bags, and made about 10 sack lunches for the displaced people on the streets of Midland. My first stop of course was the library. I know 1st hand that many homeless people frequent the downtown library trying to escape the harsh elements from outside. They don’t bother anyone and are usually reading or looking for local resources to help them. Sure some of them are on drugs and all of them are not so nice and sweet but EVERYBODY gets hungry!

I couldn’t imagine (fluffy as I am) not having enough to eat or not know where my next meal is going to come from. The man that asked for those last 2 crackers that I was about to throw away help me realize that food was something that I had taken for granted. I do my best now to make sure my kids and I don’t waste for. More often than not I prepare all of our meals now and eating out or delivery is very scarce compared to what it use to be. Let’s stop ignoring the homeless people on the streets of West Texas. Feel free to contact me if you would like to help. PhotoGrid_1506259713295    Peace, Blessings, and eat wisely. #she thinks out loud

Don’t fool yourself happy!

When I started this blog initially I was a housewife/stay at home-mom. The earnings of my now former spouse afforded me the privilege to stay home with our boys. I took care of things domestically and all things regarding the children. I was able to work on DIY projects, take the kids to story time, meet other stay at home moms, try new recipes and share videos of what I prepared via Facebook, and totally indulge in all the ratchet-trash t.v my heart desired. To add and make things that much more “sweet” anything I asked for I got. I was miserable.

Be careful what you ask for….

The above was the image of what everyone THOUGHT my life was and therefore felt as if I should have been happy. Though I fault myself for believing that too. The truth is I was nothing more than the co-author of that lying image. If you read between the lines and deduce what is fundamentally stated above all I did was cook, clean, and “tend” to the children. Don’t get me wrong I LOVED my responsibilities but that inevitably was the whole marriage. There were no date nights, family activities, alone time, romance hour, no fun, no friendship, no one to talk to, nothing to look forward to and most importantly there was no Jesus in our relationship. Jesus wasn’t invited until things had been ripped to shreds. The family and friends saw a horse and pony show at holiday times.

I was married, but I was alone. Pastor R. Rush (Dallas) said years ago, “Some of the loneliest people in the world are married”. I never knew what that meant until I became one of those people. With all due respect to my ex husband I think we both felt that filling these “traditional roles” was suppose to validate date us to each other and therefore we should be happy right? Wrong! How foolish of me to ever think that all he needed was cooked food and his children dressed well? Men need respect, validation, and autonomy. He thought that because he paid “the bills” that was his ONLY duty.

I as a woman needed gentility, validation, kindness. Having anything you want is so overrated, especially when your an easily contented person who never asks for much in the first place.  By the time I grasped this and so much more I was no longer in love nor had a desire to continue to be married. However things grew darker and darker because neither one of us understood our purpose to each other. From there, we all know happens when you don’t understand or appreciate the purpose of something right? You abuse it.

As I digress, during the separation I went through so many things mentally. What would other people think? I’m going to look like a failure? People are going to talk about me because I’m a single parent now, etc., etc. Once I removed all that ridiculous-ness out my brain and started thinking effectively for the best interest of my children….the peace I was blessed with was like breathing for the first time! I didn’t have as many adjustments as I had tricked myself into thinking.

For all practical purposes I had been a single parent when it came to the children anyway, not to mention I  was a stay at home mom but and educated degreed one. I was going to be okay. I was truly happy despite having more responsibilities. I had only been fooling myself otherwise.

Funny thing is. I’m not alone. Once I changed my status on Facebook to divorced I received overwhelming responses, questions, and remarks from married people both men and women. To my surprise people marry for all the wrong reasons and not only do they acknowledge  that but are willing to stay married to their spouses no matter how wrong their reasons are or how miserable they may be.

I always knew that the grass ain’t always greener on the other side by apparently there are a lot of folk who are totally aware of that same sentiment and do you want to know why they stay? 75 percent of the time people don’t want to divorce is because they are so concerned with what other people (in-laws, family, friends) will think!

The other trend I noticed in these married miserables is that a lot of them married very young or were pressured into getting married and after a few years of “going thorough the motions” not only are they secretly resentful toward their spouses but they realize they are totally incompatible. Yet they stay.

In addition to that, there is that lazy bunch who fear either getting back out there on the dating scene or just plain and simple don’t want to start over. Then at the very least of these their lies that group of M&M,s (married miserable) who are so insecure that they convince themselves that the only people who want or desire them is their spouse. I could go on and on but to say the least I thank God for peace, clarity, and the opportunity to do something different for myself and my children and to have something different.

I whole heartedly still believe in the institution of marriage but don’t allow your marriage to force you to be on the verge of becoming institutionalized either! It’s all about sacrifice on BOTH parts. It’s about doing things that you may not like but if nothing more than to make your spouse smile. It’s about knowing when to listen and knowing when to encourage. It’s about allowing yourself to become a slave to that person’s heart and always being aware that what worked 5 years ago may not work anymore because needs change. Be in tuned with your spouse but all that I have said is null and void if this is not mutual.

As for me, well if I never marry again I am utterly, totally, and peacefully okay with that. I have come full circle with me and right now ME is whom I am most in love with. It would take an outstanding man to distract me from me right now. But nevertheless, my children are young enough to call someone else daddy and so am I (eye wink). Don’t fool yourself into thinking your happy because in the end you will foolishly miss out on happiness. Be happy and love on PURPOSE! #she thinks out loud

Is it bed time yet? How Tonja B. Sleep Consulting saved me and other insane moms!

I’m not going to lie to you. I was a TOTAL skeptic. However I was also just as desperate as I was skeptical so I figured given this lady a call couldn’t possibly hurt anymore than the agony I had endured for weeks on end with my two small children. After being a stay home mom that was trying to transition back into work I had a major issue with my kids, they wouldn’t go to sleep!

Okay so maybe that was a bit of a stretch but not by much. We have a 1 year old and a two year old (yeah not sure why we were in such a rush but don’t judge).  To be honest I prided myself on being the sleep “specialist” of my online mommy group via Facebook (La Mocha Mommy) and I gave out my personal tips on putting babies to sleep for the night. However my two cents just wasn’t hitting no ‘mo like Whitney albums in the 2000’s. You know it just wasn’t the same (rest in peace Whitney, with all due respect).

By this time my two year old was at the beginning stages of potty training and thought he needed to climb into bed with mommy and daddy for moral support instead of going to the bathroom. My one year old was still waking up a few times a night for a bottle and sneaky way to steal cuddle time with mommy.

While, both of these gestures were “thoughtful” to say the least it was absolutely  draining! Walking the two year old back down the hall from our bed to his, only to wake up in between the hours to fix the 1 year old a bottle who truly never even finished the bottles. He would barely take a few sips and go back to bed until the next time he wanted TLC.

Then came Tonja! She was a new addition to our group and was talking about this crazy idea of getting your child to sleep 12 hours a night. I was like psssssh, yeah right! Wait..really?

She ended up doing a free web stream in the group and gave a lot of great tips. Then I was like nah? This won’t work for me, my boys are rough around the edges. Then came the night when I got exactly 2 hours of sleep and had to be up by 5 am. I finally stopped treating Tonja’s sleeping consulting offer like that free 5 day gym membership flyer you get in the mail and gave her a call.

MY ENTIRE LIFE CHANGED! I could just kick myself for all the days that I overlooked it. Tonja B. Sleep consulting program was able to design a sleep program that worked well for my schedule and allowed me to get some much needed rest and relaxation.

Tonja got my 2 year old sleeping solely and soundly alone in his own bed EVERY NIGHT with no interruptions. He has done well with his potty training so he wakes up to tinkle and climbs right back into his own bed! Not to mention that my 1 year old was only “prompt dependent” (a term I learned from Tonja) and didn’t really needed a bottle at all! Yep, she got my baby off the bottle! (I wonder if she could help an uncle of my with that same problem.).

 

Nevertheless, this was a service well worth it! If you have ever consulted with a duala for birth or a breast feeding specialist to help with those small yet urgent kinky’s in the early stages of motherhood, I would definitely add a sleep consultant to the list because the benefits are something money just can’t buy so don’t sleep on the idea of getting a professional to help you get baby to sleep. It’s one of the BEST decisions I have ever made as a mother!

#she thinks out loud

 

Special offer: Contact Tonja B Sleep Consulting to ask about a free 15 minute offer and tell her I sent ya! 

tonjabsleepconsulting@gmail.com

http://www.tonjabsleepconsulting.com

(315) 681-5003

 

 

 

Wee Care-The Best Childcare Center in Midland!

Now I pity the fool that would like to bid against me on this one but Wee Care has got to be one of the most phenomenal child care facilities a parent can enroll their child! While I’ll spare you the details that makes me such an expert on a topic of this stature I am willing to bet you the student loan money I don’t have that you can’t think of another daycare within a 5,000 mile radius that could come close to the quality care that Ms. Helen (owner) has come rooted within the walls of Wee Care!

I get so excited every morning confidently knowing that my child is not only safe but and eating a well balanced meal but he is also learning everything from an educational curriculum to basic manners and good old fashion home training. When we first moved out to West, Texas we had come to the conclusion pretty early on that I would stay at home but nevertheless it didn’t stop me from exploring daycare centers to have an idea of where I would send my children whenever I chose to go back to work.

It never failed, everywhere I would go and everyone I would ask would always give me the same script, “The best childcare center in Midland is Wee Care!” Now granted we shouldn’t always exclusively look for external answers from God as the only means of directions, however I knew without a doubt that whenever I started working hard for the money again my baby was going to Wee Care!

I began to hear so many rave reviews about how awesome and well trained her staff was via word of mouth, how  other local daycares have tried to “marginalize” their operations like Ms. Helen, and state of the art clean and organized this place was. It was safe to say that anybody whose anybody ’round these parts will only send their kid to the best and hands down it’s Wee Care!

When I first met the owner it was an instantaneous feeling of confirmation of all the things that everyone said about this place. Her spirit was so genuine, sincere, and honest. My grandmother use to always tell me that you could tell a lot about a person by how they greet you and say hello. I could tell that in addition to her soft presence I could tell she was a no non-sense kinda gal but she executes that quality with a lot of class and tack; a real classy lady. (Something I need to work on. Don’t get me wrong I’m all woman but I ain’t lady all the time but that’s another blog.) To say the least she is nothing short of professional, yet she is very down to earth and relatable.

I could go on and on about Wee-Care so please pardon me if this sounds like a brag because that’s exactly what it is. Within less than 2-weeks of being there my 2 year old was potty trained, saying his grace before he ate his food, and he has homework once a week! His teachers are the absolute BEST! Both of them are very intelligent and highly trained childcare professionals. You should see the way these two ladies work with these kids, it’s simply amazing to watch how skilled they are.

A tear comes to my eye when I think of how blessed I am to know that my child is truly in the hands of honorable teachers and support staff. I know without asking that they all are a mirror image of the owner’s training and teaching to them.

I wish I was a rich woman because I would surely pass a chunk of my wealth to all the women there working with those kids because they are absolutely wonderful. Wait, on second thought I’d have to pay off those student loans first THEN pass a chunk (you know Uncle Sam will be own me like white on rice of my tax bracket ever gets increased). Nevertheless, Wee Care is highly recommended. What makes me an expert you ask? I’m a mother, and mother knows best. Send your child to Wee-Care!

#she thinks out loud

 

Dory:Mas o menos for moi (Review)

I know for a fact I was not the only adult that was super excited about the release of Finding Dory in theaters yesterday but even if I was I was somewhat disappointed. Don’t get me wrong by nature I’m an optimist but I was expecting a bit more from the film. I love Ellen DeGeneres and personally I think she is one of the most lovely and grounded individuals on planet Earth. However if it wasn’t for her good name on this movie and the mere laughter that emerges from the depths of your soul anticipating that next sentence from her lips I would have waited for this to hit Blue-ray or Netflix.

I hate to compare this to Finding Memo but Finding Dory didn’t give me any depth to the supporting characters. For the life of me I can’t think of that red octopus’s name and outside of him I can’t name anyone else outside of Memo and his dad. This movie was just missing a whole lot of something for me. I really couldn’t connect with the movie. The only thing that gave me any feeling of empathy was my sensitivity toward Dory’s memory issue.

The really ironic thing was that I never saw finding Memo when it first came out. In fact I think it was a couple of years that after it came out that I finally saw it and I was like wow this is an awesome movie. I saw Dory opening night and again I say I really could have waited until it was off the big screen.

In all fairness, I will say that there is a slight possibility that my chaos of kids could have prevented me from embracing the fullness of the film. In addition to my 2 year old, and soon to be 1 year old, I picked up my two cousins (age 5 and 10) and scooped them along with us. SO of course there was the repeated trips to the bathroom, can we have more popcorn, I need more soda, etc. I’m going to close by blaming my distractions, otherwise Dory just didn’t hit the mark for me. Thoughts?

#she thinks out loud

Just Go Pee!

I drank about 78 ounces of lemon infused water today and I have been back and forth to the bathroom tickling all day. Anyway, that has nothing to do with the issue I want to talk about I just wanted to share that. So this whole topic of the “trans-gender” bathroom is a bit awkward for me and for a few reasons of my own personal biased.

Issue number 1. Where did this come from and when did this become a hot topic? This time last year we were not discussing such an issue and now, there is an additional bathroom everywhere in addition to the 5 billion we already have. The men’s, the women’s, the single family restroom, the multi-family restroom, the women’s room for nursing infants, and now the transgendered restroom? Do I have a problem with transgendered persons? Absolutely not! What I can’t understand is why a transgendered person would want to enter a restroom that labels and classifies them as soon as they enter it?

Let me explain.

If I were transitioning, let’s say from female to male. If my ultimate goal is to be viewed, accepted, and respected as a male, I would want to enter a restroom with whom I identify as. If I were (and again this is just my thinking) walking into a restroom that notified everyone of my “business” I feel like I have put myself in a position to be judged and a target for hateful and ignorant folk.

Now the simple answer maybe the fact that because I am “transitioning” and perhaps have some things going on down south that have not quite developed yet I feel un-easy and therefore need a more comfortable setting.

Well granted, I get that but if we had bathrooms designed for the soul purpose of comfort due to a  physical body in “transition” then there should be restrooms for menstruating women, menopausal women, post partum, etc. There should also be a male restroom for men post prostate surgery or what about people wo have to empty out their catheter and ostomy bags?  What about adults with special needs who have to be changed by caretakers? That Kola diaper changing station in those bathrooms are for babies and not adult bodies. Do you think those people feel “comfortable” doing those things in a public restroom? Absolutely not!

My point is we all have to keep it moving.

Now I’m all in support of equality for the LGBT community because equal rights should be a given privilege of us all but the bathroom thing confuses me. Not to mention, transgender people didn’t just pop up this year. There have always been men and women who have identified differently then their natural born sex. Newsflash though, guess what bathroom they BEEN using ‘fo now? That’s right whatever sex they identify with! Men transitioning to become women BEEN using the women’s restroom and nobody said anything because nobody knew. Women transitioning to male BEEN using the men’s bathroom (wait…. I think? Not sure how that one goes but you get my point).

I’m a natural born heterosexual female (in the next 5 years single women gone start saying that when they start dating watch) and you no what I have used the male restroom numerous of times. Go on that long road trip and pull over in that little country town if you want to with one toilet for men and one for women… watch how many women duck off in that men’s bathroom push come to shove.

Now the men probably wouldn’t take such a gamble because they can just go pee on the side of the road. It really doesn’t matter. Plus an extra bathroom would just confuse me because there have been brief moments (long road trips) when I was like, “dang I wish I was a man so I could just whip it out and pee on the side of the road”.  Does that make me trans-gender? Just joking but seriously is that how it starts cause I’ve had that thought before when I go on long road trips and have to use it? I think I’m good though. Email me somebody.

All and all….

I just feel like a separate bathroom does just that, it keeps us separate. Go to the restroom with whom you are transitioning into and identify with. You want to be a lady? Be a lady with the ladies! You know how we do, girl come to the bathroom with me. You want to be a fella then go pose over that urinal girl, wait sir, ma’am, mister..wait what do I say though? Anyway, just go pee!

#she thinks out loud

 

 

Work it!

Yassssss! After two years of being a stay-at-home mom I have rejoined the work force! Well, somewhat. I only work part-time because I am not fully ready to leave my babies just yet. My boys are still so little (two years old and soon to be one year old) and I can’t be without them that many hours a day just yet. I have truly enjoyed being a mother. It has been my most rewarding role in the play of life thus far. I LOVE making their snacks, going for walks, playing, and making crafts for them. So trust me, working part-time is ideal for me and I am thankful to my husband very much for supporting my choice either way. More importantly I am thankful to God for us being in the position to have that option.

This was my first week back on somebody’s payroll and it was hard that first day leaving my kids with the sitter. I wasn’t worried about my two year as much because he is very friendly, loving, and welcoming. Not to mention he is at a great age to start being around other children now. We may place him in a two-day a week summer program for social growth. But my second child? Well, he’s more of my husband’s kid then mine. My 11 month old is not one easily won over honey. You have to tap dance for his affections and even then he may not be all that impressed. He barely likes me and his father and we are his parents.

I teared up as I got ready to leave for my first day of work last Monday. I left 12 billion notes, post-its, and signs all over the house for the sitter and I am most certain she thought I was crazy and a control freak but I can live with that. Even though I was gone less than 6 hours it was hard leaving. I think I called twice, not to mention asking my husband a thousand times if he remembered to tell her “this and that” as if my notes of “this and that” weren’t already enough when he left out for work.

I’m sure one maybe curious to know what work field does a woman who seems like she can’t be without her kids for more then five minutes return to? Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess… I work with children! I am a Community Living Support case manager (and soon to be QMHP-c, qualified mental health professional-children) and I work with children and adolescents of a special and at risk population.

I feel so blessed to have a job that is just as dually rewarding as my home life. I get to set my own schedule which means I still get to do all the fun things I enjoy with my kids! Yep, I literally arrive and leave my office when I want to and when I am not there it’s because I am taking one of my clients out somewhere fun (unless they have an appointment with the doctor). Now how awesome is that?

Transitioning back to work (be it full or part time) is never easy after you have been glued to your children since they have been born. Motherhood ignites so many different feelings and emotions within a woman that were never there prior to her being a mom and its amazing! Just think about the love we have for our own mothers. How at the lowest and scariest moments of your life wither she was living or not you called on her like you called on the Lord himself and you could simply feel her scooping you up and holding you in her arms.

Now close your eyes and imagine being one. Imagine someone’s connection for you be that strong. Pretty scary huh? But it’s so beautiful at the same time. Can you feel that love?  That need to forever love and protect them from everything never goes away from the moment that baby is placed in your arms. You think about them all day, all night, when your home with them, or away from them at work. When I leave my house I have to tell myself, “God is their ultimate protector, He is watching the kids today. You are the bomb-mom, now WORK IT!” Then I twist my little fluffy self right on out the door.

#she thinks out loud