My first time at 30 something…

Motherhood that is.

Deep sigh,

I don’t know where to start? I suppose if your even slightly interested in anything an around the way, college educated girl, and current stay at home mom of two has to say then thanks! Your a fan! Even if you don’t like anything I have to say or read the rest of this blog (whispering) I still get a rating. Now that we have that out the way, I have surprisingly been getting request from a few folk on Facebook asking me if I would ever consider blogging and writing again.

As fate would have it I am currently working on a book and as far as blogging or any other writings goes well let’s just say I’ve been getting that itch. I had become very reluctant and taken aback for a list of reasons. The first challenge was my target audience I suppose. All through college I “assisted” people¬† (I’m somewhat an ethics kinda gal) with their papers and wrote for the school newspaper. Then there was that brief period when I was using my words to crusade against an entire institution but that’s another story, another blog, another life rather.

All the while I was a young, single, independent woman full of passion and ready to take on the world! Now I’m living in a small town out west with my soul mate, raising our two baby boys at home. The highlight of my day is the deal I got at the local grocery store or my latest DIY project! Then I realized I was happy with all that because I had group of other Mommies that I could vent to about my woes as a mother. I had created this group on Facebook called La Mocha Mommy shortly after giving birth to my first son and it has been a strong point for me in parenthood.

The group was formulated out of a few frustrations initially. I was working in a hospital in a big city and I worked with people from a variety of backgrounds. I enjoyed working there yet as I progressed in my pregnancy and began to show, the glow of my pregnancy was overcast by this dark shadow. I began to get extremely irritated as soon as someone approached me and my bump because I knew it was coming.

I had gotten used to the ”are you sure it’s not twins or triplets” or people rubbing (or possibly casting a spell) my stomach without asking, but I never got use to be asked this particular question. I would get so tense, pissed off, and down right offended when people would ask, “So what number baby is this for you?” Granted I was gently out of my 20’s at the time (30, that’s gentle) and as I think about it just now perhaps people were asking because of age I suppose but my physical age was not visible. What was visible was my dark skin. It was as if people assumed that because I was black that I had started having kids at 13.

I would then say as nicely as I could, “No, I’m a first time mommy” they would almost poop in their pants! THEN they would ask my age. That’s when I knew then that the assumption was not based on my age, because it was always the primary question. Being nosy the really bold ones would then inquire about my fiancee’ and how many children he had. I again had to repeat that he too was a first time dad. THEN AGAIN, they would ask his age. Same as me, 30! I began to be looked at as if I were a science project or some type of anomaly. Funny thing was, of all my closes girlfriends I was only the second one to have a child. My only friend that had a child was 4 years older than me and had just given birth two years prior so you add all that up.

When I created La Mocha Mommy I was in desperate need to find and associate myself with African American women, relatively my age, and pregnant or new mothers. I can tell you that the group has more than 50 plus members and less than 5 are single parents, and less than 3 are under 25. So roughly 45 African American women who are married or in engaged to be married, raising their children in two-parenthood homes and over 25.

For the record this group is not exclusively for black women or new mothers (I just needed to find a handful for my own sanity). ¬†The only requirement is to be a loving mother. Not to mention I didn’t want to be one of those people on Facebook always flooding the news feed with news about my kids latest first words. Nor did I want to post dozens of daily pics out there of my child for pedophiles. The group was a safe haven for me.

La Mocha Mommy gave me a platform to reach out and talk to women just like me. Not to mention I didn’t come from a background of nurturing women in my family that were right by my side to assist me post birth that I could call on for support or advice so fellow Mommies and I were able to share and give advice.

So as I wrap up what will come of many more blog shares I’d like to leave you with this. There will be times in life when we all feel isolated and separated to the point where we think we are becoming completely and utterly extinct thinking no one can relate to our woes.

What I had to remind myself is that there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes). Therefore create your own world by casting out your vulnerability and seeking others just like you and asking for emotional help. No man is an island and you are never alone. It’s a dirty trick of the universe to make you feel that you are but you would be surprised. For the first time in my life, at 30 something, I am learning to fall in love and accept the new titles I have not just as a mother but as a new woman very different than I was in my 20’s.

This blog is dedicated to Nada…thank you lady. #she thinks out loud